The lonely one.

I lay there in my bed unable to sleep. I listen to the rain. I can hear so many different tones. I can hear the rumbling sound of it hitting the rooftop of our home and the more hallow sound of the rain hitting the driveway. I can almost hear each drop fall between the pieces of gravel.

Where is he? I wondered as I looked over at the alarm clock. I hope that he is ok. There is a lot of rain on the road. Why isn’t he answering his phone though? That’s odd.

As my mind became to wonder and my heart began to race I started thinking about why he hadn’t gotten home yet. We have been arguing a lot lately and the stress level has been high. Maybe he is with another woman. Would he do that?

I twisted and turned trying to get comfortable. The bed seemed cold and lumpy. It felt the complete opposite of my always wonderful fluffy comforting retreat. I thought I could hear a car coming up the dirt road. I jumped up to look out the window. Was that him? No it was a police car pulling in the driveway.

Old Old Grandma!

She is 84 years old, but you would never guess that looking at her or spending anytime with her. She looks 70 but still acts 60. She is very active and just got done working 3 years ago.

She has had multiple back surgeries, knee and hip replacements. She has had three different kinds of cancers. She beat it every time, even having a breast removed.

She is one of the strongest women I know. She worked so very hard her whole life to take care of her daughter that was born with major heart issues. She died about 10 years ago.

She lives alone with her dog and still goes to Vermont with her ladies group 3 times a year. She still drives a car and quit well I will add. She doesn’t like night driving so much anymore.

The warmth of her hugs touches my soul every time. She always smells wonderful crisp and clean like some time of powder smell. She has always smelled this way. She always wears mauve lipstick no matter if she is staying home or going out. I truly love my grandmother and look up to her so very much.

A Place

Her room remains the same. Every toy is in its place. Her Disney princes bedding all made up waiting for her to return. The bright pink walls give even the dullest items a pink glow.

On top of her dresser were three different crowns. One was from Burger King it was made of cardboard but she treated it like gold. The second one was silver painted plastic with fake diamonds all over it, she was always determined that they were real and not fake. The third one was made of aluminum foil and glued on Gems, her favorite one that he mother and her made together.

The porcelain dolls were still on the highest shelf in her room. She never got a chance to play with them. Their beautiful glass faces with painted on blush and satin dresses made them appear so fancy. Her mother kept them up high because she was afraid that her daughter would break them and either get hurt or be so devastated that they were broken that she would cry for a week.

The next shelf down held all of her books, besides the two that her mother read her every night.  Goodnight Moon and her Winnie the Pooh book still lay neatly on her pillow awaiting her return. These two books that he mother surly will never be able to read again.

Her doll house was still in the corner by the window. The sun shinned brightly upon it like an angel peaking through the window. Each tiny piece of furniture was where she had last placed them. Some of the dolls still stood up in side and others she had placed on the floor. Sometimes he mother will still stand in the door way imagining that she was still there playing with it as she had for hours the night before the car accident.

Narrative

My son was going to be turning three. My husband and I had dreamed of having a boy and we did. It was a very exciting thing for my family. On my side of the family we hadn’t seen a baby boy in 56 years on my Moms side and 28 years on my Dads side. I had 5 beautiful nieces and six beautiful female little cousins and I was one of three girls.

We decided that because my husband was a motocross rider that as soon as he could walk he needed a dirt bike. So right before his third birthday we got one. We bought special training wheels and turned the throttle down so that he wouldn’t get hurt. One the day that he was able to take his first right we geared him up in all of his protective clothing. Helmet, Google’s, Gloves, elbow pads, and knee pads. The poor boy could barely move.

He hopped on and drove to fast making me so nervous I could barely watch. Over the next year and a half we limited his use. We realized that we had jumped into buying him that too early.
The next summer as he had just turned 4 we focused more on pedal biking. He started with training wheels in the spring and by midsummer he was riding without them.

He was doing so good even going on long bike rides up to 3 miles a night. So he started talking about riding his dirt bike more. I as his mother was a little against it as I was nervous that he would get hurt. He told us that he wanted to try it without the training wheels on so we decided to not hold him back and allow him to do so.

My husband took the bike to the garage and took off the training wheels while I gave him a pep talk and got all his gear on. He was excited and nervous. He told me he was a big boy now.

As my husband started up the dirt bike I made an excuse to head into the house for a little while. I was too worried that he would get hurt that I couldn’t even watch. So I headed in the house and started in washing the dishes. I could hear the dirt bike but could not see him. My nerves were just starting to relax when all of the sudden I heard the bike come to a stop and a blood curdling scream.

The front door flew open and my husband carried my son cradled in his arms like a baby. I knew that was something horribly wrong.

“What happen” I asked frantically

“I’m not sure yet” my husband said with cracking in his voice.

My son was holding his belly and crying awfully bad. My husband pulled up his shirt just enough for a quick glimpse of a severely bad burn on his belly.

“Ok we have to go to the hospital right now” I said trying to stay calm but not doing a good job at it.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’m scared momma I don’t want to go.” He cried

“I know baby but they will fix that boo boo and make u feel better” I tried so hard to reassure him.

I called my mother in law who lives seconds away from us to come watch my daughter. She was there in less than five minutes and we were out the door.

On the way to the hospital I had to do a lot of convincing him that it was the best choice for him and that he would feel better real soon. Once we got there one of the hardest things was putting the IV in. Once in they gave his a few doses of morphine. My son had received a second degree burn from the exhaust pipe of the dirt bike. Not having the training wheels on his bike caused to fall over on its side and my son right on top of it. After 2 weeks you can barely see where it was. The burn which measured 2 inches by four inches healed up very well and I don’t think that he will ever ride his dirt bike again, but we will see.